The 2 Extremes

I start the car with much hesitation...my hands do not have the strength to put the key in and my legs have lost the power to press the break. But my heart is forcing me to drive and reach home. It is time to be home with loved ones. I talk to myself and play the music loud, I cheer myself by singing and I start. My brain is not listening to me or to this loud music. It keeps telling me "close your eyes", take a deep breath, let it go, sink in the deep sleep. It is almost impossible to keep my eyes open. Shaking my head and trying to dance to the music I am trying to keep myself awake. There I go...driving out of parking. The road is straight, the road is endless, the traffic is moving and so are my thoughts. I want to reach home and I want to reach safe. I do not have control on myself any more...my brain is asleep it seems. I drive through the busy road and I have the traffic go past me, I feel I am swirling in my seat and I have taken a nap, I can't see anything a

Its crazy how life has changed and has become so materialistic. I am sure for some this is the normal way of life due to the exposure they have had to the luxuries of life but for many its a new phase, a new era, a new millenium. Everyone is craving for that one designer bag, one red sole shoe and one gold watch. Why do they crave? They crave because they need this for their everyday life or they crave because they want to be seen and positioned with the right people. Seen and position - strange words to describe a person and their character, it sounds more like a display unit in a luxury store than the descrption of a human. How having an expensive bag characterise you..? I am sure you're wondering it does characterise you. Why I need to buy expensive products when I can get the same at a much reasonable price. How everything has become more about price and not about quality? Suddenly famous names have taken over the good old tradition. The tradional or good old is no lon

Mind is blank..I am thinking non stop and I am reformulating non stop but yet my mind is blank. I look at people walking around, I look how much work is piled up on my desk yet I don't see anything. How it could be? How when we have so many thoughts and ideas and visions we still feel blank? Its as if silence has taken over the mind and it has gone on a holiday. I see a woman shopping - she is happy, she is excited, she is talking and moving and smiling. But today I am not curious to know who she is, what she does, why is she shopping, what is she buying...is it the silence of my brain or I don't find her interesting enough. You know that I just can't think enough. I just want to sit and look around, no thinking, no talking, no assessing someone, just look around. Can I do that? Yes I surely can. My mind has the ability to block and to focus only on what is relevant and what is important and currently, nothing is relevant or important. May be its the boredom - no

Just the thought of leaving someone or something that you loved is very stressful but at the same time you know you are ready to embark on a new journey. You want to leave the comfort of life which had been holding you back for the longest time. Will I ever say "Goodbye" - Yes, I will but not to the people I love. I will say "Goodbye" to the people who make me realise my worth just being around them. We all  somehow tend to go for the easy life where we try to maintain work and personal life balance. We do this with expertise for many years and suddenly one day it hits you. You realise you don't belong here anymore. The road I stand on right now has two paths. One is green, beautiful with flowers headed to the world which I have been seeing for the longest time and the second path is hazy, there are bumps on the road, I hear a roar as well but at the same time I find it exciting. There is adventure, there is a thrill and I know the excitement will be like

Its an early morning for me. Beautiful, sunny and bright. I am ready to start a new chapter in my life. From the comforts of car I have moved to a city that gives you the comfort of a local train. I am nervous as the pictures of these local trains were not very inspiring. But I am determined that I will embrace this new city like my old home. I will love it, I will respect it and I will cherish my time here. I reached the station and I see crowd pouring in and out of the platform stairs. I could hear the mad thumping which would last only few seconds and then there's the silence. I realise everyone has already entered the train and they are well seated. I take my time to know which one is the ladies compartment and I enter with hesitation. I try to find some space to sit but who was I kidding. All the seats were taken. I took hold of the steel pole and stood firmly to start this journey of 50 minutes in train from home to work. There are 16 stations before I reach my destin

Driving back home is the nicest feeling after a long stressful day. I have been taking that same underpass for as long as I remember and nothing seems to have changed there. Its the same mosaic artwork of fountains, the same waves and trees and me at the same speed taking the turn. The radio is playing some romantic number if its a week day and there's crazy DJ remixing going on if its the weekend. Day after day; whether night or afternoon nothing on this road changed. But one night something changed...I saw something...I saw someone...I felt I saw some black shadows walking in great grief and pain. I ignored everything and continued with my routine and decided to never think of it again. Few days passed and I was driving back home during the day time; comes the curve on underpass I see those black shadows again. Now, I am a bit anxious. I don't know what to think anymore. I decided this time I will confront. I will drive really slow and I will look in the direction o

It took me 4 years to come back to a blog that I so wanted to write. Well as they say better late than never. So here I am trying for a comeback like an Actress in Film Industry after her maternity leave. This month is the Holy month of Ramadan and where I currently am, I witness the festivities that goes around this marvelous period of the year. The mall are decorated, the roads are lit up, people are happy and they are enjoying this time with their families and friends.  Roads are Lit up There's almost a pin drop silence in the malls in the morning and you can literally hear the sound of your own breath. The security and the staff in the stores are standing wondering why the malls are open when no one comes to shop at this hour. Let's just close the stores and let me go home and sleep. And amidst this serene, quite and beautiful mall you will have this one child who is going wild as he wants to run around in this open space. You know what parents let him run...th